The State of the Prostate Address

Ladies and gentlemen, the Prostate of the United States.

It’s official. I have an enlarged prostate.

I made the appointment four months ago, and this was the earliest they could get me in. A dear friend who read my essay, The Unbearable Likeness of Peeing about my frequent and piddling pees, and who had just had a very successful procedure for prostate cancer, strongly advised me to go ahead and get my PSA levels checked. I did that within the week and was given the all clear, normal PSA. So, with that major concern behind me, I felt okay waiting to get the thumbs up for my prostate (or fingers up, as it were).

Dr. S. M., foreboding initials for someone who would have me in a very vulnerable position, would not be the first person to welcome me. That would be Katie, her PA. This peppy, adorable young woman was cited with the job of talking to this young at heart, 60 year old man, about his semen-maker and his erectile functionality. Oh joy of joys.

She started in easy asking about how often I “void”. I asked her if we could please use layman’s terms and just call it “peeing”. “Void” sounded too much like something being cancelled, erased, terminated. She agreed.

I pee at least every two hours, often more like every hour.
And how much do you usually pee? Maybe one to two cups.
How did you determine the volume? I measured.
Do you ever see blood in your urine? Nope.
Anything strange? You mean like Skittles?

She laughed.

That’d make for a weird halloween, wouldn’t it?

She stopped laughing. I didn’t.

Yeah, this was awkward for me. But, I thought, hey, welcome to a woman’s world. I mean, until relatively recently, this has been almost every woman’s experience when she’s been in to see her general doctor or her GYN. We men have had it good forever, having another man examine us and talk with us about our faulty bodies. Most every woman you know, especially those over, say, thirty, more than likely had a male doctor for the majority of their growing up years. If I had to get over a little embarrassment talking to a young female PA about my sexual inside parts, then so be it.