What Sam Elliott Will Never Say

Photo by Jana Leu on Unsplash

I unroll the toilet paper from the front. I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom. I load the glasses and bowls above, plates and pots below, the way you’re supposed to. And yet, if someone else has already loaded the dishwasher, no thought given at all to the what-goes-where way of loading, I don’t correct it anymore. I’ve evolved that way. I’m a better person. Flexible and open-minded. I will correct your toilet paper, though.

Because there is a right way to do most things. It’s the comfortable and familiar way. Which means it’s right. Right?

Therefore, I grill meat over charcoal, not gas. The right way. I don’t judge “gassers”. I was a gasser myself, but even gassers will admit that all meat tastes better over coals. Red meat, poultry, pork, seafood. Those four basic food groups. All of those are best over coals. And occasionally what those four food groups eat, like asparagus, is also good over coals. But the asparagus, or whatever other plant based product, is only there to complement the Fab Four. The main event. Meat.

Which is where we meet my problem.

Without any conversation, warning, or consideration, my youngest, 17 year old, fully grown (thanks largely to meat) child, declared they were vegetarian.