I whistled as my bare feet slapped down the hall, just back from afternoon swim practice. With training before and after school and on weekends, it seemed like I spent most of my life barefoot and wet. My eyes had goggle rings around them, my shoulders were prematurely broad, my hair was stiff from pool water and I smelled of chlorine. It’s how I was happiest. And I desperately wanted to find some of that same happiness with my dad.
Water… controlled or free-flowing. It is my safe space. Warm water can lull me to sleep. Cold water can shock me to my senses. It can cradle me at its surface, rocking me as a mother and her child. Underneath, I can scream, unleash my rage with no fear of being heard. Everything else in the world silenced, apart. I am inaccessible. I am human who longs for the water. I am a selkie. In a Speedo.
He really didn’t like being surprised or interrupted. I needed him to know that I was coming. I didn’t want him to think that I was sneaking up on him. And I really didn’t want to catch him at anything. So, I was always very conspicuous as I approached. Warbling my go-to tune, “Whistle While You Work” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. My intro music. It let him know that I was in a playful, animated mood and was as non-threatening as I hoped I could possibly be. It was a bit of a tightrope, letting him know I was there so that he wasn’t caught unaware, but not so…